But, seeing the blood and seeing the cut made me feel better. It took the pain I was feeling internally, and made it external. It gave a physical source and location and I finally felt good. I made sure no one would be able to see my scars and I always put a smile on my face. No one could know the truth. Throughout my entire time in high school I battled my thoughts and actions. I was very careful to make sure people saw one side of me. The lowest I’ve ever felt was in this time. It got so dark that I had a noose ready. I had pills ready. I had everything and anything I would need to just end it all. I couldn’t continue to mask and carry this darkness with me. But, I couldn’t go through with it. I was a coward, but I didn’t want to be. I wanted to make adecision that, at the time, felt like the only one I needed to make. I faked my way through high school, friendships, and even my relationships. I was hurt beyond measure because I knew everything I built, was a lie.