My anxiety won’t let me sleep even when I take sleeping pills the doctor gave me, I can’t sleep. You would think that my mind would want a break; yet instead, it just keeps rushing at the speed of light.
I keep thinking about all of things I need to accomplish or all of things I could have done better. Or how I shouldn’t’ have ate that burger from Wendy’s. Or Why didn’t I go to the gym? Or something as simple as: what is the weather going to be tomorrow? When is it going to start snowing? Oh shit, I need new tires!
You get the point. My anxiety is truly a disrespectful dusty ass bitch that could catch these hands!
But as I have been sitting with myself more and more—self reflection so to speak—i have begun to realize that unrealistic expectations are the cause of all of this. Yes, you read that right. Unrealistic expectations I placed on myself and even allowed others to place on me have caused me to be extremely hard on myself. I have created this imaginary gradios life in my head and I think that my reality will look that; however, my life is more like Season 3 Issa instead. (Y’all remember how she thought she could get all of those forms completed in one day?!—thats my life.)
Unrealistic expectations can set you up for heartbreak! Honestly for me, they have added stress for no reason. Unrealistic expectations make you believe you can go to work, class, meetings, the gym, cook dinner, office hours all in one day and think you are going to do all of them WELL in one day—you aren’t. Unrealistic expectations will cause you to compare yourself to those around you and now you think you think you are not good enough.
When I think of unrealistic expectations and the anxiety they cause me, I think about Snow White. “Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” That phrase echoes in my mind. Why you ask?
Whenever I have my anxiety meltdowns, it always starts with me concerned with what someone else is doing and I need to be like or bettem than them. The wicked queen wa sanxious because she had an unrealistic expectation that she could and would be the most beautiful (physically) forever.
Isn’t that crazy—I was able to relate my anxiety to a fairytale? I am even surprised with myself to admit that my anxiety and lack of sleep is caused by placing unrealistic expectations on myself to the point of obsession. I am no wicked queen, chasing down a young girl out of envy; yet, I have been wicked to myself by not giving myself grace in this process called life. My anxiety won’t go away overnight; however, the first step is acknowledging what is causing it.